Before I became a Military spouse I was a service member but way before that I was a civilian. I guess that is what I am now however I am called a Military spouse.
One thing that I always hear and read from other Military spouses is how during times of trouble the civilian community around them are insensitive, inconsiderate and misunderstand situations.
The Milspo community expresses how frustrating it is to be questioned about their service members during times of war, being asked about possible deployments, being nagged about work hours, travel, where they stand on politics and more.
It is tough being a Military Spouse but even more tough during times of uncertainty like the days we are all currently facing. Days to where your significant others could be packing up to leave, days where we are home waiting on a phone call to know they are safe, days where we need to do our best to hold ourselves together. I understand.
Now, I know I will probably get a lot of hate for what I will write next but I am always true to my self and my ways of thinking. I have learned to see different parts to stories and coming from experience I wanted to tackle what's next.
The civilian community around us means well. They do not want to annoy us, cause us pain, question us until we are overwhelmed....they truly do not understand.
We spend our days complaining about how they make us feel but we have not taken a step back to educate, explain and help them understand our situation better in a way for them to know how we feel. And, no, I do not mean break OPSEC. But really taking the time to help them see things from our perspective and how during times of war, chaos and unpredictability coming together as a whole would be much more beneficial than feeling like you cannot vent to them or be understood.
How can you break the divide?
Being vocal about what you want is a must and I know that for many being left alone is one of those things we sometimes are vocal about but letting people in during hard times can make a difference. Be vocal about what is going on, share how uncertain things are and how your family is preparing to spend time away. Share if you are struggling and help will come. Share if you need to be heard and someone will be there to listen.
Sharing news can cause a lot of anxiety, if you are having a hard time having everyone around you constantly updating you on what is happening then ask them to stop. We are adults and we can have conversations where our feelings are validated without feeling as if we are walking on egg shells.
Explain and educate. Know that not everyone will know and understand this lifestyle and that is ok. We don't understand theirs either, keep expectations to a minimum right off the bat. Get to know them as you wish they knew you. Talk. Leave room for discussion where your civilian counterparts can learn about your lifestyle and vice versa. Conversation can go a long way and open a lot of doors between people.
You know I love keeping things simple so I will end this with … BE VOCAL!
No one will read your mind, let people know how you truly feel, how things are and what is happening. If you don't like how something is going then speak on it. If someone is being hurtful and is not trying to be there for you then you can walk away from relationships that no longer serve you.
It might be hard but be understanding and educate.
And...be there for them as you would want them to be there for you!
Xo.